Learning from hatred

I have felt the impact of being hated for the first time in my life, and I am trying to learn from this. Although this started over a year ago, this week I realized how far this person's delusion has gone, and it may me think about the issue again. I still have to learn to live with these situations better.

So far, I could say that I have been very lucky. I was born white, straight, ... so I did not have to suffer any hatred from people who did not even know me. While meditating, one of the visualizations we use is to send loving kindness to people who with had disagreements with. I always interpreted that as wishing well to those who have wronged us. But what I am writing about is different, it is about someone who decided to hate us, so I am thinking how to extend (for personal use) this exercise.

 

It seems that at some point this should happen, and according to the 'Sunday Dhamma school' book, these things make us stronger.

By keeping a compassionate life we are less likely to get into trouble. I think people notice that we only wish them well and this way we are able to keep good relationships. At least in my personal life this has worked well. We will always have the ocasional person who might not like what we do, but so far I never had someone who I would say 'hated' me.

When our jobs give us positions that affect other people's lives, this affects their views about us, and this views can be very strong. They may perceive that we have ulterior motives, hidden agendas... they attribute things that happen to their fantasy characters, and everything we do only feeds their delusions.

I believe that in these jobs we have a responsability to do our best . I have always made my best effort, and in general I think I have done well. Of course we make mistakes, and when this happens we might be making people unhappy. The responsability is to then learn from the experience, so we can do better next time, and ask for forgiveness when necessary.

It also happens that some people have stronger seeds of delusion and hatred. They have not been touched by the Dhamma, and they do not even see those seeds.

When that hatred is directed to us (at least in my case), it produces confusion, doubts in ourselves. I first tried to understand what had triggered it. I asked this person what I had done, but only small meaningless things came up. I even apologized for any suffering I might have caused. Nothing helped.  I have wished him well (from within and explicitly). Recently when through his web page I learned that he was moving on, I was happy. Then, through his web page I also learned that his hatred was still there. It had actually become so irrational that some people told me to be careful, because the person could be dangerous (I don't think so).

This is an opportunity to learn. Family and friends have told me that I should just let it go. Ricard's book says that when this happens we should meditate and send them metta -loving kindness-, and I am trying this. It really helps, but the pain still languishes inside. I am not wise enough yet.